Sorry Sarah!

I just can't do it. As ridiculous as it sounded to me initially, after doing a little research I would feel like too much of a cold, heartless, you know... if I poked fun at the idea.

A quick backstory here: A relative, eh, "Tim" called one day with the really bright idea to get a helper-monkey for an arthritic relative who requires daily assistance from a nurse/caregiver. At first I thought Tim was joking, the words "helper monkey" bringing images of chaotic zoo scenes and flashbacks of Zack as a toddler to mind. I felt bad though when I realized how serious Tim was about the idea, and I admit after consideration it would be pretty neat. Helper monkeys are pretty amazing actually and provide a great deal independence to the folks they help. However, our relative doesn't really fit the target profile for the particular non-for-profit group.

So my heart softened I stopped making fun of Tim. Surprisingly though, my saintly sister has been begging me to post a blog poking fun at "Tim." But I can't bring myself to do it, so here is a picture of one of the cute little fellers in action....

http://www.helpinghandsmonkeys.org/

Backyard Badassery

This is my friend Michelle. She cares about two things: crime fighting, and hearing conservation for the unborn. I think that's cool. I also think its really cool that she had a pistol readily available for this picture. Seriously though, the smaller of the two marksmen should be celebrating their first birthday today, so congratulations!!

(note: Michelle, thanks for humoring me with the shooting-range pose)

LOLcats

Hey Ma - this one's for you! Has anyone else heard of this "LOLcat" or "memecat" rage going on the 'ole internets? Its silly, that's fo shizzle. I read an MSN article, googled it, and came up with a ridiculous number of hits... give it a try yourself ... Its the same-old pictures of "cute" (aka EVIL) cats and kittens doing something "funny." Jay - remember www.stuffonmycat.com? Yes, in that genre, except these pictures are accompanied by gangsta-captions, see example below:

I can't explain it, but it really cracks me up. Maybe because deep down, all the evil cats of the world (Mom, ahem, EARL) really are nothing but little gangstas, and they just see us as their beeyotches. Yeah I just said that - its a gangsta post! So google it, tell me what you think. This site is a good one: http://www.dropline.net/cats/

Trip to Bonaire

Two things I must say about the trip up front: 1) If you haven't learned to dive yet, please do, and 2) When you do, go to Bonaire. So yeah, it was a good time. The island of Bonaire itself is fairly remonte, 2 hours by plane from Puerto Rico, just north of Venezuela, and next to its sisters Aruba and Curacoa. And somewhat surprisingly for the Caribbean, Bonaire is not lush and tropical but a little desert covered with cacti. But, it is "a diver's paradise" as advertised by the liscence plates there. The entire west coast is basically one big dive site, with the reef starting just 50 ft from shore at some places. What makes it so awesome, though, is that you can just drive around until you see a spot you like, then jump right in the water and dive - which is exactly what we did. The reefs along the coastline are all protected so there are plenty of beautiful fish everywhere you look. We took two cds-full of underwarter photos, if you want to take a look try the link below...

http://www2.snapfish.com/thumbnailshare/AlbumID=166926979/a=47646916/t_=47646916

Why Matt loves Washing-Dulles Airport

Yup. That's it right there. The 'ole "W-D" shuttle. I don't ever remember seeing these things before our last layover on the way to Zack's graduation. But as Matt pointed out, they sure are goofy looking, like something you would expect to see in Total Recal. I don't understand why the airport doesn't just invest in some sort of tunnel system like Atlanta or a tram like Newark, but hey Washington-Dulles, its your airport, feel free to do what you want. You have my permission. Its not like these goofy things are probably ridiculously expensive because they're custom-built, or that you have to pay an army of dudes to drive these things back and forth between the terminals all day.

The Earth IS flat, Jacob fell off the edge...

I have a brother named Jacob. Isn't he adorable?? (See below, his gesture indicates that he has just successfully performed a magic trick.) Once upon a time, Jacob departed his hometown in order to pursue his undergraduate degree in Colorado. After several months there, he decided/realized that due to his new dwelling location, he was superior to all those who did not share his new locale, PARTICULARLY those from southern Indiana. Poo poo to you poor suckers in SI!!! However, this did not make him a snob, no no... Around this time, he also ceased all communications with those undesirable souls who chose to live in their respective inferior locations around the country and globe. Once again, according to him, this did not indicate that he was a snobby little punk. Everyone knows there is NO way to communicate other than with "lost" cell phones, "broken" computers, and "missing" cars...

Alas, I attempted to determine why my precious baby brother had fallen off the edge of the earth, so I sent him this multiple-choice email with all the reasons I could think of:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
1) Too busy. (Discussion: believed to be a bullshit theory, poor excuse, not specific enough, ie - busy with what?? )

2) New girlfriend. (Discussion: could easily be a subset of the "too busy" excuse. The real question here is, would this girlfriend be incredibly insecure, requiring your full attention be devoted to her and ABSOLUTELY no one else??? Or are you just preoccupied with all those long walks on the beach and romantic candle-lit dinners?? hmm.... this excuse could also have many different possibilities.)

3) Cult. (Discussion: We can all easily picture you with a shaved head, in a robe, hawking flowers at the Denvah airport. Well, at least I can. And it would be funny. Balan-sing. Balan-sing. Probably some liberal-ass cult that doesn't believe in paying taxes....)

4) Arms dealer. (Discussion: Again, very anti-"The Man," and a money-making venture as well. Not sure how you would get involved in such an activity, but may deal with your Korean contacts at the local liquor store. Anyounghaseyo mutha efffah!)

5) Sleeping with Crazy English Professor. (Discusson: You are the perfect target for today's modern stressed-out Mrs. Robinson. Now she has you in her hippie dungeon grading papers 24-7)

6) Drug Dealer. (Discussion: Now you're too busy countin' yo benjamins and sippin' on a Forty to email anyone in your poor family. As with the arms dealing, you are a very entreprenurial fellow, so any money-making scheme will do, more likely illegal ones of course)

7) Amish. (Discussion: Of course! This makes perfect sense, you have a nice biblical name like Jacob - so you've grown a beard, bought a cow, and have sworn off using any evil technology like computers or cell phones - my letter from you via carrier pigeon should arrive any day now..... )

8) Matis-Jake-hoo. (Discussion: much like the one above, except you've gone the Hisidic Jew route (spelling???). Anyway, that, and now you're recording your debut album "Live at Lawrenceson Hall." And you just look so cute wearing that little hat)

9) Time Ma-chine. (Discussion: you are the quintesstional little "mad professor" - I can definitly picture you resembling Mr. Einstein as an older gentlemen. Just tinkering around with some old computer parts, some gum, and a microwave in your dorm room you have accidentally transported yourself 3 thousand years into the past, where you are now worshipped by an ancient Coloradan-Indian tribe that believes you are the Sun-god.)

10) Monkeys. (Discussion: Not sure where I'm going with this one, but I can only imagine the hillarity that would ensue when your 10 rabid pet monkeys plot against you and make you a prisoner in your own dorm room. Perhaps you were raising them in another one of your crazy money-making ventures, to support your raging Diet Coke habit of course. In this scenario I also picture you wearing a funny little hat, along with perhaps a little vest as well to match the monkeys. They will finally release you once the banana supply runs low.)

More Adventures in Landscaping

So yeah, the "lawnmower" i mentioned in the previous post.... I almost looked like a complete idiot in front of my neighbors (although I'm sure I'll have plenty of more opportunities!) Right before Matt left for Wisconsin last weekend, I asked where the lawnmower was - "Oh, the previous owners left a push-mower in the back of the single garage." So no problem, bright and early Saturday morning I headed to the local gas station to fill up the gas can and was all ready to go. I went into the garage, pulled out the lawn mower, and was about to fire it up before I decided to take a look at the obligitory warnings and such on the bottom - good thing, actually, as one of the labels read "NOT FOR CUTTING GRASS." A look underneath the beast confirmed this statement. Yeah, turns out the damn thing is just a mulcher. Boo. And wtf, who do you know with a push-mulcher??!? I would have looked pretty silly pushing that thing around, wondering why the grass wasn't getting any shorter.... However, being the handy gal that I am, I returned from Home Depot an hour later with 1 ea. kick-ass cub cadet mower. Damn I'm good...